Divorce Recovery

Divorce Recovery

Getting a divorce is just like undoing a greater part of your life. All of a sudden, you feel lost, alone, angry, sad, and afraid. The aim of divorce recovery is not to put a stop to all these feelings, because there is no stopping them and after all, you are entitled to have these emotions. Rather, the aim of divorce recovery is to teach you how to not to let these feelings preclude you from living out the rest of your life.

Talk out the trauma of divorce.

The first step of divorce recovery is to talk out the trauma of your divorce. However, don't just do it with anyone who is willing to listen. Professionals, "security blanket" friends, family members - people who care - are usually very good listeners. Remember that what you don't talk out will pop out another way.

Also, note that by this, we don't mean that you have to talk about your divorce troubles every second of every day. You become what you think, so the more negative thoughts you have, the more negative your attitude and self-image becomes. That is no way of recovering from divorce.

Rather, set aside an hour or two every week (not every day) where you allow yourself to wallow in blue thoughts and past woes. The rest of the time, simply go on with your life.

Don't over-analyze.

Divorce recovery is all about getting over the "woe is me" attitude and looking ahead with a brighter, more positive attitude. If you occupy yourself with asking what went wrong, you would tend to over-analyze the situation and end up processing a "no solution" problem over and over. There would be no end to that.

Instead, concentrate on what you did right so you can do it again. The next step in divorce recovery is to forget about all those times you did it wrong and missed. Forget the misses. Concentrate on the hits and do it again.

There are no "have tos."

Some people who are going through divorce recovery feel that they are restricted. They feel that they can't do something because they "have to" do something else. But note that there are no "have tos" in divorce recovery. You decide instead.

So you say that you have to get a job. Well, you don't have to do that, although you may well decide to. And when you do decide, realize that it is your decision and no one forced you into making it.

Or you say that you have to take care of the children. Well, again, you don't have to do that. You can give them to your ex. If your ex doesn't want them, you can call up your relatives or have the State take care of them. You may, however, decide to take care of them, but note that it is your decision. No one is forcing you into making it.